Why I Haven't Been Posting :(

Okay. I haven't posted anything in a while and here's why. I was working on this awesome new post that was going to rock the socks off of pelvis thrusting cats. I was going to be super productive and get thing done like the awesome blogger I am.

Apparently I offended someone out there because they sent aliens after me. Big nasty green aliens. With laser guns. They didn't want my post to be posted. I pleaded but they wouldn't let me go. NOT EVEN FOR THE CHILDREN!!!

   They took me across galaxies and finally we touched down on there distant planet. There appeared to be nothing at first but when I looked closer I noticed that the entire planet was underground, to not be troubled by humans or anything. We went underground and the leader threw me into jail with the other prisoners. One of which was Jesus.

   Jesus said he was waiting for someone who would fight against the aliens with him. He slipped me a turbo laser gun of death. Not the only trouble was the bars. I noticed that the illustrator had not drawn the bars perfectly straight like a normal person. The bars were crooked enough to where we could get out. We slipped through the bars and Jesus and I started blasting alien scum like no tomorrow.

 We started to get over-run by aliens. Jesus and I were fighting for our lives when I noticed a button on Jesus's gun. "What does that button do?" I shouted at Jesus. Then the most amazing thing happened! JESUS PUSHED THEE BUTTON AND RAINBOWS OF DEATH SHOT EVERYTHING!! All the aliens were gone.

This post is proof that Jesus is a badass... No... Wait... This post was why I haven't been blogging... Okay... This is why I haven't been blogging.

Because I got lazy... Sorry that I put all the blame on you Aliens... 

Sorry.... :(

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a while...
Here's a few links to keep you busy...
http://i.imgur.com/fCzab.gif
http://i.imgur.com/RcC5h.gif
http://i.imgur.com/qhV2B.gif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mghhLqu31cQ
*bad poker face* I'll try to post more stuff soon....

Things that Destroy Friendship

I've lived for a while and I have found somethings that destroy the best friendships... I think you should know what to stay away from while hanging out with your friends.

Rocks: I know what you're thinking "What? That doesn't make any sense! How could a rock destroy a friendship?" Well, here's two reasons rock destroy friends. 

Rocks destroyed the tightly would friendship of the six ponies who vowed to be best friends forever, it was even bonded by magic. To all the bronies out there, BROHOOF! rock on... To all the non- bronies out there, if you watch the show you'll understand the reference...

This one's pretty self explanatory...

Number two on the list of things that destroy friendship....

Video Games: 

Okay, I don't think video games as a whole destroy friendships, but they can certainly assist. Now, there's nothing wrong with having a few friends over to play Mario Kart, however, unless your friends are non-competitive, peaceful, quiet, and glad to lose to another, BE ON THE SAME TEAM! If you don't do that, this will happen (this happened to me Friday night at Scarpinato's house with Daxq27 and Lewis.) We were playing a game of Mario Kart. Keep in mind, I'm a VERY competitive person, especially when it comes to Daxq27. I chose Peach, Daxq27 chose Yoshi, Lewis chose Mario, and Scarpinato chose a custom person named Tiger. We selected a 10 track race. We then decided to play on a team so I wasn't constantly screaming at Daxq27, Scarpinato, and Lewis. THE GAME WAS AMAZING! I had so much fun in that one game of Mario Kart. Our friendship is still thriving... 

Lunch Time Happenings

I love all my friends a lot. I don't know why I started this post like this... I just did... And It's my blog so I can start my posts how I want to. Off topic... Sorry. My friends and I were eating lunch together like we always do. This is pretty much how we sit everyday;

 When suddenly a wild Scarpinato shows up! He sits in his normal seat and takes out his lunch... Normal. Scarpinato starts eating his sandwich and he gets stuff on his hands... This is how he got the stuff off his hands.

This picture is from waist up, they didn't like lose their legs in a tragic accident or anything. Lewis (the blue one with the funny hair) always gets stuff on him because of Scarpinato. EVERY SINGLE TIME! Lewis reacts like this.

I'm sorry I couldn't make the post earlier. I had Solo and Ensemble to preform at... I got a superior though :D  I have a few stories about MPA to tell, both hilarious and painful. Thanks for putting up with me... And don't get hit by fire breathing buses on your way home from school or work tomorrow.

 *Bonus Picture Because I Love You Guys*

My Rage Comic (Short)

I thought that I had a really good blog idea, turns out it's going to take more time then I thought... So here's a rage comic I made about my little sisters friend who came over to our house a few days ago!

I hoped you liked it! You can rate it by clicking on the link on the line below! :D
http://cheezburger.com/View/5788130304
I promise a post by next week!

Flemming's, The Second Heaven.

A few days ago, me and my mother went to Flemmings. Now I promised this blog wouldn't be about my opinion. I promise you this now. I will never make  post like this ever again. I'm still drawing pictures and I'll still try to make it funny rather then a boring description. So like I was saying. Flemmings. The minute we walked in we were seated. Perfectly on time. The place was classy and awesome. I could tell it would be like $400,000 for a bottle of wine. But it was probably worth it. We looked at the menu and I got a Steak. My mom ordered these weird sounding skewers... So when we were waiting for our food, they brought us bread and fancy butter. The butter was colorful :) So we got our food and the waiter was like "That plate is really hot, don't touch it." This is what happened;

The waiter gave me a funny look and walked off. My mom and I started talking about how waiters always say "Hi I'm ________ and I'll be your waiter tonight." We then started debating whether or not people feeding you would be classy or strange. I decided it would be awkward. My main topic was imagining someone that you don't even know coming up to you and saying "Hi, I'm Phil and I'll be feeding you tonight". I don't know about you, but I would be pretty creeped out if someone said that to me. Also we would have more obesity problems. If we didn't even have to move our arms to eat, then we would be hopeless. So after the dinner of a life time, I ordered dessert. This is what it looked like;

This is what it tasted like;

It tasted like a unicorn exploded and people and shapes and colors lived in perfect harmony. Ok, I have no idea what that would taste like because that is called cannibalism and that is frowned upon . So after I dined in the ultimate heaven, my mother and I went home. AND I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER FORGET WHAT THAT DELICIOUSNESS TASTED LIKE!!!!

Angry Midgets With Golden Hammers

So today, I had a really bad stomach ache. I wouldn't stop complaining and my friends were getting sick of it. So Lewis said "OH MY GOD! WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT THIS SO MUCH?" I responded, "You want to know what if feels like!?" He said "Uhmm..." Before I waited for his response I yelled, "IT FEELS LIKE ANGRY MIDGETS ARE RUNNING AROUND MY INSIDES WITH GOLDEN HAMMERS!!!" Now before I go any farther in this story, I should tell you why I chose GOLDEN hammers. If you have ever played the game Super Smash Bro's, then you know that the golden hammers do much more damage then the regular black ones. This is what was going on in my stomach;

So I just wanted to depict what a golden hammer vs. a regular black hammer. Everyone would go for the golden hammer first. So I drew a picture of what happens when there's one golden hammer and one black hammer.

If you can guess who the Orange Person is then you win the prize. I don't know what the prize is but you should really guess who the person is. Hint: They are in the game Super Smash Bro's. So my stomach ache is gone now... But if it ever returns... *BUM BUM BUM*... I will be ready to strike back with LOADS of medication...

Stupid Lobster

Everyone know that lobsters are cooler then rabbits. I made this simple equation;

Everyone on the face of the planet has seen the Trix Rabbit commercial. I just thought that it would be a much better advertisement if they said lobster, instead of rabbit. Lets look at the evidence, If you put a lobster in the place of every single bunny or rabbit, it would be awesome.
EXAMPLE 1:

The Easter bunny would be much cooler as an Easter lobster. The following conversation is fake:
Mother: Johnny you have to go to bed early tonight. The Easter lobster is coming!
Johnny: OH BOY! THE EASTER LOBSTER IS MY FAVORITE!
Mother: Good now go to bed.
Johnny: *goes to bed because he's excited for the Easter lobster.*
If you would rather have an Easter Lobster then and Easter bunny comment one reason why and I might make it into a new post. Lobsters are awesome. The End.

PARTYYYY!!! (part 3)

Apparently, I go to a lot of parties... This is party blog number 3. Burkes party. The most epic party that happens once a year. Better then every Christmas, New Years, and Every other holiday party EVER! Burkes birthday party is awesome for a million reasons! I'll elaborate on one of them because I don't want to draw a million pictures.

REASON 1: Burke is one of the funniest people I know, so his parties are always filled with comical remarks and punny answers. Last year, Burke had a pool party (as usual), and we decided to go into the hot tub. It was Me, Burke, Florian, Hill, and Seagul. We were being losers and reading the rules about being in the hot tub. This is what the sign said;

Ok. Normal sign, right? WRONG! I will circle the problem. Keep in mind, this is what the legit sign said.

As you can see, THERE'S NO COMMA! This sign tells you not to bring FOOD ANIMALS into the hot tub! Comment what a food animal is because I have no idea what it is... I mean I am a grammar Natzi, but what's a food animal?

The Origin of Santa Clause. (Ghana)

We all know who Santa Clause is. You know, the fat guy who gives you presents on Christmas... I drew a picture of him. Here's what he is today...

As a kid, I always wondered how Santa came to be the Santa he is today. I watched every single Christmas movie that had Santa Clause in it. They did not answer the one question I had... Why does Santa come in through the chimney? Why can't he use the back door? Or a window? Even the front door would be easier then climbing up and down 7.5 Billion chimneys in one night... By the way. Santa has to visit 1 house every .0000001 seconds. I'll bet my blog that he spends most of that time climbing chimneys! He could probably do his entire routine and have time to stop at a 7/11 to get a snack and a quick soda or something. Oh yeah! The point of this post! So I was in Social Studies and we were studying ancient civilizations. We had to do a presentation about our civilization for the class about 7 different topics. The presentation before mine was on Ancient Ghana. The topic was housing. The girl presenting said "Their houses didn't have any doors or windows" I started thinking about what she had just said. My mind processed "THEY LIVED IN FREAKING BOXES AND THEY COULD NEVER ESCAPE!!!" Apparently she meant "There was no door... Only a hole so you could walk in and out, same with the windows" So for the rest of her presentation my mind was a work, trying to figure out how the people got in their homes. I came up with this;

You you might be questioning me as to what Santa has to do with this. You could also have come to the same conclusion I have! SANTA IS FROM ANCIENT GHANA! The "North Pole" is a LIE! If Santa wasn't from Ghana then where did his chimney idea come from? Huh? He wouldn't have gotten that idea! So he MUST be from Ghana. I don't know where this "North Pole" LIE came from, but I DO know that I have discovered the truth!